I'm going to lay down...the book.

There are probably few aspects of the English language that cause more confusion than using lay, lie, and associated variations. Let's start off by discussing a necessary foundation.

It's important to know what a transitive verb is if you want to master laying and lying. A transitive verb functions in concert with an object. For example, "I hit the ball." Ball receives the action of the verb hit. On the other hand, an intransitive verb acts alone. For example, "I sleep."

There are four pertinent angles relating to these verbal contortions.

1. Transitive
2. Intransitive
3. Present tense
4. Past tense

Let's look at present tense examples, first. "I'm tired, so I'm going to go lie down." This is intransitive. The verb lie doesn't work with an object. It's used alone. The common error is to say "I'm going to lay down." The problem is that we need a present tense, intransitive verb here, as there is no object being acted upon. Lie is what we want. This is probably the single biggest problem. People tend to say "I'm going to lay down" or "Fido! Lay down!" You hear this every day.

Next, the present transitive. "Please lay the book on the table." Remember, the transitive verb goes along with an object which is acted upon. In this case, we are doing something to the book. We are laying it on the table.

So far we have:

• Present intransitive: lie
• Present transitive: lay

Now, let's move on to the past tense—first, the intransitive. "Last night, I lay down at around ten o'clock." Yes, this is a little bit confusing. Not only is lay present transitive, it's also past intransitive.

Finally, let's see an example of past transitive. "When I was ordered to do so, I immediately laid the gun down." This happened in the past and it's a verb that acts on an object. I did something to the gun. I laid it down.

For past tenst, we have:

• Past intransitive: lay
• Past transitive: laid

So, in summary, here are our options:

• Present intransitive: lie
• Present transitive: lay
• Past intransitive: lay
• Past transitive: laid

The keys to mastering laying and lying are twofold. First, understand transitive and intransitive verbs. Second, memorize which verbs to use in the four cases.

Just for thoroughness, let me mention not being truthful, or rather, to lie. This is altogether different. "Don't lie to me, boy!" or, "If you don't quit lying, I'm gonna beat you to a pulp!" I don't think most folks have problems with this usage (maybe my examples, though), but I just thought I'd mention it.

Oh, and I almost forgot about present progressive. No big deal. "I am lying down" or, "He is laying the book down." These are easy, once you've mastered the main four.

A very unique blog.

This blog is extremely unique. In fact, it's more unique than any other blog I've ever seen before. Well, that may be pushing it, but I just know that most blogs aren't all that unique. Write down what I did today, write down what I may do tomorrow, blah, blah, blah.

And why am I writing this? Well, in part, to annoy Bob. Yesterday, I discovered that Bob's really into grammar, too. In fact he may get more annoyed with people who speak poorly than do I. This discovery tickled me pink. Bob and I are quite unique in that most folks aren't too into grammar, while we are.

Okay, by now Bob's head is about to pop, so I'll just cut to the chase. The word unique is like a computer bit. It's binary. On or off. True or false. The case or not. Something can't be very true (a common expression). It's either true or it's not. Likewise, something either is or isn't unique. Something can't be very unique or quite unique or not terribly unique.

A snowflake is unique. A human being is unique. A painting is unique (unless done by a computer, I suppose). A one-off custom car is unique. This blog is unique—although there may be other blogs pertaining to grammar. None of these things is very unique. That's impossible. Something is either alone in its likeness or there are others like it.

So, if you think your blog is unique, just look around. Yours may not be quite as unique as you thought.

How to decipher if someone is hoity-toity.

I'm not a very good judge of character. There's one surefire way, however, to determine if someone is hoity-toity.

We all know that me is a pronoun used as an object. For example, "Would you like to come to lunch with me?" or "Please give me the book." Why, then, do people commonly use I as an object when, clearly, it functions as a subject? For example, "I sleep eight hours a night."

Well, it's because they're hoity-toity. They think they're special, but they're really not. They're bright enough to use me only when it's by itself. When you throw another noun into the mix—typically someone else's name—they get confused. They figure "I'm confused. I don't have a clue what I'm doing. I may as well sound like I know what I'm talking about, and me can't be right, so I'll just use I." For example, "Do you want to go to a movie with Jimbob and I tonight?" They can handle just the pronoun, but Jimbob really screws things up.

So, if you really want to impress I—er, me—keep your pronouns straight.

Wait a minute. This looks like rock and/or roll.

You would think that before a company puts and ad in a magazine (read by millions) or on TV (read by millions) or on a billboard (read by tens of thousands), they would have someone with half a brain check it for spelling and grammar. Or what about the sign in front of your store?

It seems like, every so often, you see a pretty obvious (to the grammatically initiated, anyway) error of some sort in places that should justify professional production. I think the one I see with the greatest frequency is the incorrect contraction of "and" joining two other words. Let me just cut to the chase and give a correct—and age old—example: Rock 'n' Roll. The first apostrophe takes the place of the omitted "a" and the second the "d."

The common error is to "forget" one of the apostrophies or simply to make the whole thing a compound word, which, of course, doesn't make any sense.

If anyone can provide real world examples of this screw up, please spread the love. Heck, while you're at it, how 'bout any good grammatical errors in advertising!

They're waiting in their car over there.

Did you notice that the title of this post has three words that sound exactly the same? Enter the homonyms they're, their, and there. These words are commonly mixed up or confused with one another, a typical struggle encountered when using homonyms.

Very simple, really. Here's the scoop:

1) they're is a contraction (i.e., two words scrunched together with some stuff missing in the middle) of they and are. The apostrophe signifies that there used to be some characters, but we've omitted them. In this case, we're throwing away the space and the a. It's just a way to streamline what we're saying. It's a bit more casual than using separate words. So instead of saying "They are going on vacation tomorrow," we would say "They're going on vacation tomorrow."

2) their is a plural possessive pronoun. It signifies that something belongs to them. For example, "When they go on vacation, they'll be driving their car." The car belongs to them.

3) there specifies location. "The book is on the table, right over there" or "The car is over there." There is also used with is, are, was, were, etc. to indicate existence. For example, "There are airplane races in Reno each year" or "There is gum in your hair (d'oh!)."

While there are many challenges in the English language, they're not insurmountable, and people who put forth the extra effort to master this language will find their lives enriched.

Frank is a honorable man.

The intricacy I want to point out is when to use "a" versus when to use "an." There is a common misunderstanding that you use "an" before words that start with a vowel. The converse is that you use "a" before words that start with a consonant. Here's an example using that thinking:

Frank is a honorable man.

Here's another:

At the funeral on Saturday, Tim gave an eulogy.

Using "a" in front of words that sound like they start with a vowel requires back to back glottal stops. This is difficult. It doesn't roll off the tongue.

Likewise, pronouncing "an" takes more work than does "a" (the tongue must come into play), so if the noun following the article doesn't start with a glottal stop, it's easier to use "a."

I suspect the usage was formed based on ease of use. Here is the rule: use the article "an" in front of words that sound like they start with a vowel and use "a" in front of words that sound like they start with a consonant.

Now you know the true rule regarding when to use "a" and when to use "an" and we can say with certainty that Frank is, indeed, a very honorable man.